tata

He never shows any hesitation or exhaustion after going out behind bars.

Tata, a 76-year old father of 6, cries inside the toilet while looking at his face in the mirror. He cannot help from covering his mouth as he continues to think of his son being in jail for almost 5 years already. It must have been so difficult for him to be away with him for that long period of time. It must have been so excruciating knowing that this son was his youngest one.

Tata, in the eyes of his family, is a father with stern heart and principles. His family thinks that he is a man who never cries. He is perceived as a man of joyous disposition in life regardless of what had happened to his son.

Tata is also human. But why he keeps a flawless image to his family?

"I just want my family to look up to a person who is strong and determined in life. When they see me like this, they will inherit it, and will pass this to our next generations to come," Tata murmurs as he looks at the person in front of him in the mirror. 

spared from being unique

Pineapple once asked herself, "Why do I have these ugly whirlpools around my body? Banana has smooth skin. Apple has shiny skin too."

One day, when insects lashed out the Fruit Kingdom, every fruit got alarmed and hastily ran to hide from their predators. Banana moved to a very safe dungeon yet those fierce insects found her and peeled her until death. Apple hovered herself up a tree yet she was reached by the insects flying around and finished her unwaveringly.

Pineapple let herself wander in the Fruit Kingdom. With her fixed mind that eventually she would also be gorged, she just did not care with the presence of the marauders. She saw that Banana and Apple vanished into thin air in just some minutes. She thought she would be next. But surprisingly, she was never a target by the insects. She was shunned because of her skin. She was spared because of her special feature that eschewed every insect near her. The attack of the predators ended with just a few fruits left in the kingdom.

Pineapple rued with what her first notion about her appearance. She realized that she survived from the attack because she was different from the others.

Everyone is distinct. Everyone has a special trait. 

Celebrate being different! Desire to be unique!

rules in love?

I keep on pondering on what may be the rules when it comes to love. Why is it that every relationship that I am engaging in doesn't last? 

From my experience, at first, relationships are like heaven. It is almost perfect that it can't seem to falter. But why as times go by it turns out like hell? The seem perfect becomes grotesque.

When she doesn't send a message or call me within a day or two, does it mean I am not important to her? When she doesn't say 'I love you' in any ways does that mean she isn't sweet? When she doesn't want to go to where I want to go does that mean she is inconsiderate? When she refuses to hold my hands in public places does that mean she doesn't really care?

I must confess that I am a little bit of a nagger. But is it a bother to send even just a single message a day? Is it too demanding of me to spare just a minute to say, 'Hey, I am just here.'? These are just simple, and if these are being neglected then there's no point to continue the relationship. 

Are these considered as my rules in relationship? If yes, are they so stiff?

Do you have rules in relationship?

what is Christmas to you?

Just a few days from now, it is going to be December again.  It is Christmas time!

But what is Christmas to you?

Christmas was not much celebrated at home when I was younger. I only had seen a small sometimes recycle-made Christmas tree standing at a corner of our house on the holidays. Year after year, displaying of lanterns had become insignificantly observed. During the Christmas eves, cooking and preparing of food had become less and lesser until there was a time that we did not cook at all. We just woke up at 12:00 midnight on December 24th and that was it...afterwards, we got back to sleep again.

Christmas may have been known all around the globe as a colorful festivity but not within my family. Yet, one distinct thing about Christmas in us is that it brings us together as one family as much as possible. When one of us gets far away because of work or any other reasons, he should make ways to get back home and be together as a family. 

Just a thought, "What is Christmas if there's no family?" I can work all day long to get much money but what is the sense of toiling hard if I don't have a family? I may be as famous as the people I often see on TV but I don't have a family? I would rather be an average worker but have a family. I would rather stay simple in life but with my family. I would rather lose all that I have just I stay with my family.

It is true. As I get older, the more I see and feel the importance of family. I have been learning to appreciate my family. I may be far away from my family now but my heart is always with them. The world will change but never will I change for my family.

I don't forget the fact that in the Christian world this season is the celebration of Jesus Christ's birth. But for me, Christmas means family!

lingering affection

I linger the day when someone would truly care for me then stay with me for the rest of my life. 

Strange it may seem but I just want someone who bravely steps in and show me affection that I need. It's been a while since the last time someone had shown me tender attachment. I have always given mine. Some came but none of them  stayed. The older I become, the fiercer that I need someone to be beside me.

Everything seems bland nowadays. I have been losing my appetite. My hope has flown afar by a distant kite in the sky not knowing if its string is stern enough or is almost torn apart. My worries have grown stronger. Who is out there who'll boldly share time with me until the end of life's journey?

The creases around my eyes prove the long years of waiting. I am afraid that these lines will extend to my forehead, cheeks, or even to the other parts of my face and still waiting.

The late Whitney Houston's song Run To You makes a significance to what I am talking about. It goes like this, "What's the sense of trying hard to find your dream, without someone to share it with tell me what does it mean?"

little

I was deeply touched with Betty Reese's quote, "If you think you are too small to be effective,  you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."

I always belittle myself not trusting my capabilities of doing things beyond what my hands and mind can reach. I have always thought that I am so little that I have no significance in the niche that I am into. I have just a little confidence facing the world I am living in.

I don't really know Betty Reese but her quote must have pinched my heart to the extent that it bled a little. Yes, tiny I am, but like the mosquito, it can hurt its preys.

The tiny mosquito has inspired to push through in the endeavors that I am taking. This tiny being has given me the drive to be more competent in the fields of career that I have chosen or even in the ones that I was not so good at. Little I may be seen by many but the inner being in me is ready to strike anything. 

bullet

Ronnie set out a hike in the forest to hunt for birds. He was fully geared. He took his rifle together with a Swiss knife and placed them on his back and side respectively. He also put some spare gun shells inside his bag in case he would be needing them later.

As he was in the forest, he saw this big bird on a far angle moving on a branch of a tree. He positioned himself in a site where he couldn't be noticed by this bird. After a minute, he took a look at the bird with the rifle scope. 5...4...3...2...1......"Bssshhhhhhhhhh..."

Sometimes, it feels like it is difficult to achieve our goals in life. No matter how we try and try, again and again, aiming for that bird on a tree, still we miss and it flies as soon as we have put another bullet to our rifles. Even when we are ready and fully equipped with gears needed to get our dreams, still, there are slips on our target. But by being persevering, after some miss shoots, we replace the bullet, and try  again until we get that bird whether bull's eye or not. At the end of the hunt, it is not how many bullets are wasted to shoot the bird but it is about taking home the bird and telling ourselves, "I got it!"

everything is in equilibrium

The world is in equilibrium.

Everytime I watch a news program on TV, I always see the children in Africa deprived of food and care. Some of them die in hunger and some are still battling with their circumstance. On the other hand, the other side of the world rakes money by producing expensive gadgets or its like. Just a single item costs a thousand dollar or more depending on its model.

Most celebrities live a life in luxury. They can have all what they want. They can travel to any destinations of their choice or whims. Anything they ask, they can have. It is truly quintessential. But why most of them fail in other aspects in life. Marriages falter. Relationships are ruined. Some also resort to illegal drugs. Their lives are shattered. Happiness and satisfaction are quite difficult to achieve though money is sufficient.

There are other similar stories like these. Some seek for peace while others wage for war. Some restrict a law while others embrace it. Truly that everything is in equilibrium. 

i feel stupid

I feel so stupid!

After a devastating storm, I was not able to pull myself together in a quick way as possible. I let my mind think a lot which made me paralyzed for quite sometime and did nothing but to drench myself in the idea of why had she done to me this way. For almost a month of nursing my heart, my life had revolved into this grotesque vacuum and never let anyone notice it.

All those days had been wasted. Those unrequited sleepless nights had consumed even the last marrow of my bones. I couldn't believe myself that I was so engrossed with her thoughts knowing that everything about us was just a fairy tale founded only by lust and lies.

Now, I just feel so stupid. I could have done better if I got out of it immediately as possible. I wish I had known it wouldn't work out. I wish I had felt this feeling when I was with her.

I have moved on but I am afraid to love again. I am scared of the idea that love is not really meant for me.  

regrets? none

One of the most complex things to handle with matters of the heart is when you both love each other yet you could not patch things up. When one decides to end a relationship up, and the other one has no choice but to give up, that is the time pain is felt.

You cannot be angry. You cannot shout at her. You cannot blame her because it is no one's fault. The love you both have has withered and there are no more reasons to stick around. Start to walk ahead and get away from her because that is the right thing to do rather than to stay. It may be really unbearable to watch yourself and her departing, from each others' path, but eventually this will pass. Sooner or later, you will see yourself out from her shadows... her life.

Look back. Yes, that is how you remember how have you become stronger from a past. That is how you learn lessons from a past. Regrets? None. It is all a part of the past.

flower men

It is not so surprising.

I heard from a news source on TV that men are so much into cosmetics nowadays. Aside from actors or the guys who work in the media, many males are now so much vain, or even vainer than females. There are some who spend in front of the mirror plucking or aligning eye brows and thickening them with pencil leads, wearing foundation to look whiter or brighter, and so on. They are called 'flower men.'--effeminate male beauty, but not necessarily gay. Moreover, these men reason out that wearing make ups could boost their confidence. They say that it is necessary for them to look pleasing for  job advancements or for romance.

Factually, cosmetics were an important part of the lives of the male Egyptians in the ancient civilizations. Some men put on oil and creams to protect their skin in the desert. Yes, the 'rugged masculine' attitude were often seen with red ochre and henna to dye lips, cheeks and even fingernails. They were also into heavy eyeliner which believed to be good for eyesight.

Modern men, metrosexual men, flower men, effeminate males... they are  now seen in the society. Does this mean that in the near future we will see make up or kits inside men's bags or pouches? Or, will men be sharing their girlfriend's make up kit?

On the other hand, there is still a large number who maintain the image of being  'traditional men.' 

Is this a schism of 'manly-man' or masculinity?

it's been 8 years

It's been 8 years.

ben

Yes, that long. But asked if I have had suitors within these years, of course!. I am not that picky yet everyone came and then just flew away. And there is this one who has stayed but he is oceans' apart from me. Virtually, I can say, because we have met each other minimally. We have known each other for 3 years. Well, I thank God because he understands my disposition. I have a 12 years old daughter from my estranged husband. According to him, it is just alright.

I am not getting any younger. I am 38. Yes, I have moved on from my 'broken marriage' so-to-speak. But why when I talk about marriage per se with this new one, I still have doubts, second thoughts.. It seems like I can't really give myself into the idea of settling down again with someone. Maybe because this new one is far? Or maybe I am scared that when I live with this new one, eventually, he would become infidel like the first one? Or maybe I am still bitter about marriage? 

Why is it that some men are not satisfied with their partners during marriage? I still hope to be with someone. I can't see myself growing old alone. I pray that this one is the last. 

It's been 8 years and I want this bitterness in the middle of heart to be buried with the memory of my past.

feel beautiful

My colleague, Jammy, called me earlier for a  late brunch. I hesitated because last night I feasted with food in a friend's place. But Jammy was so insistent that in the end she was able to get my 'yes.'

ben

Before we asked for the bill, her phone rang. I asked who's calling her in a soft voice and she answered me, "Someone at work."

After the phone call, she told me to go straight to the hospital to do something. I said, "I don't want to go to the hospital. I get sad when I go there."

Again, she was so fierce that I was not able to escape from her. We walked the aisle of the hospital where nurses were rushing pushing beds of sick people. I told her that this is the reason why I don't really go to hospitals. She just smiled, then, no more reaction. We reached a room where someone was waiting for us. He looked familiar; maybe I have seen him at work. He and Jammy told me to go upstairs. After climbing to the third floor, I saw 'Blood Donation Room.' Right at that moment, Jammy told me that she would be donating blood for a colleague's mom.

I asked what happened to the familiar colleague's mom and he replied, "My mom got an accident last Tuesday. She needs a B-type blood and I found out that Jammy has the same. So, I requested her to donate her blood."

After some minutes, Jammy walked out of the room with a small ball of cotton on her arm feeling healthy. She looked just fine after giving out her blood. Inside the car while we were on our way home I threw another question to her, "Why did you do that? You don't know him well. You're not even close to the person."

Jammy said with a bright grin on her face, "I feel happy whenever I do something good for someone. I feel beautiful knowing that I make someone's life beautiful as well!"

blanket

ben

He strangled her with the blanket found at the bed. I couldn't imagine that he was able do such. 

Rommel was a very charming guy. He lived a very decent life alone in his apartment. He was a little nerdy which makes him more interesting. He was too good to be a nice guy. But why he did that to Isabel?

Investigations found out that Rommel had a very dreary family background. He was abandoned by his parents at the age of 6 and had lived in an orphanage almost half of his life. His sister was raped and killed by unknown men in his town. His other siblings were caught behind bars for illegal drugs and substances. Because of these, his heart was filled  with bitterness. His heart was filled with revenge.

Isabel was not the first one he killed. There were first, second, third...and more. Many people mysteriously disappeared and no one had known the fact that he was the mind of all this. He was a sociopath.

Nowadays, it is difficult to distinguish between good and bad people. In this case, we have known that family plays a big role in the behavioral disposition of an individual. If a family is dysfunctional and deviant, there is a tendency that some members may go the wrong way. It may not be absolute, but it happens, more often, in a situation like that of  Rommel.

Family is the smallest unit of society yet, purportedly, it is where biggest holocausts come from.

changed

ben

"Why can't you change? How many times do I have to tell you that what you are doing is out of the norm." A mom came to grip with her daughter in a slightly moderated confrontation.The mom noticed that her daughter had a very hard time straightening her actions. 

One time the mom asked her daughter, "What is really your problem?"

"It is really difficult to change, mom. Everyday, I do my best to change as you would like me to do but each day that comes, it becomes harder and harder. I just wonder why you would like me to change in an instant," she answered.

Before the mom continued her interrogation, the daughter added, "Mom, look this way. I have been telling you to quit smoking but still you smoke your death. How many times should I tell you mom that smoking is dangerous to your health?"

Sometimes, we want change from people whom we believe are doing not good things but we scantily notice ourselves changing from our bad habits. We should consider the thought that it takes time and willingness to change or to be changed. It is never a good notion to push someone to change when we ourselves know that changing our bad practices are hardly altered.

you wait

What will you do if these situations happen to you?

ben

---In a date, you wait for someone for an hour or two and  in the end he/she will show up when you want to back out.

---At night, you wait for some hours for your sibling's call but  in the end he/she will not ring you up.

---In a group trip, you wait for an hour  for a friend to arrive but he/she will appear later than the appointment time.

---In a business meeting, you wait for a colleague to present and in the end he/she will arrive in an almost near-dismissal time.

---In a bus stop or a train platform, you wait for some minutes but still a bus or train would not arrive.

---In a grocery store, you wait for some minutes in a long queue and eventually the manager will announce that the cash register is broken.

---In a restaurant, you wait for a long time for your food to arrive and you see a table being served earlier than you. These people on the other table arrived later than you.

---In a toilet, you wait for your turn in a long tail only to know in the end that the toilet is out of order.

---In a class, you wait  for an hour for the teacher to arrive and then you will know that the class is cancelled.

---In a traffic light intersection, you wait for the green light to appear in almost half an hour but in the end you will know that the road is closed.

Waiting is a gauge to measure your patience. Your attitude towards waiting reflects the kind of person you are.

scum...bum

"You are a scum! You are a bum!"

They rhyme, don't they? These two words were always the words he had to receive from his classmates in primary. Almost everyday in his life he had to suffer such kind of bully.

Who can imagine that this scum and bum is now one of the richest men in his country? This is real. What drove him to become this person now?

"When I was younger, I was always bullied at school or outside by people. They call me scum or bum. But I did not stick to what stereotypes they put on my name. It was not easy but those bullies that I had to swallow put me into this state in life. I made them as my inspiration to survive, to strive, and to prove them that I am not the person as they were calling me."

We decide what life we want to have. We should not live by what others say we are. We should always contend to fight with others or ourselves to be better without harming anyone.

destined to be her enemy

A dog prayed to his god.

"Lord, I fought with the cat today. I don't know why I always feel like fighting with her whenever I see her. There was no reason why I had a brawl with her. I just found myself fighting with her. Am I really destined to be her enemy?"

ben

The morning after, the dog met the cat again. No matter how hard he tried not to fight with her, there was always an upsurge within him whispering him to fight with her. That day, he fought with the cat again.

At night, he prayed to his god again.

"Lord, why do I always want to fight with her? Forgive me, I don't want this way. Help me! Show me the way out."

Darkness began to vanish as light started to unfold. Again, as the dog was walking along his way, he saw this cat. All of a sudden the cat talked to the dog saying, "Your lord talked to me last night telling me that I should talk to you not to fight with me anymore. Your lord also told me that it is not your destiny to be my enemy. In fact, he told me that you have a good heart  so you can be my friend. Please, let us make ourselves affable with each other. Can't we?"

The dog was shocked. He was in full awe as he heard what the cat had said. From that day on, the dog befriended his enemy.

No one wants to be someone's enemy. It is through a simple and gentle talk that we can achieve harmony.

a beautiful goodbye

Sitting alone in this one corner of my bed holding all the memories we had in tears. Every drop is just like a needle pricking my heart. As the night goes deeper, my mind gets more numb. I thought I could all live by myself but I have felt that I would be happier with you. But, it is all over now. It seems like my heart stops from beating. It feels like my mind gets more painful and painful thinking of the days when we were together. I wish I could erase them one by one. 

Nevertheless, I want to tell you that everything I did was all for you. There was no moment that I never had your thoughts in my mind. I gave all myself for you without any hesitations. My existence was all meant for you.I lived only for you.

What I must do is to let this night pass. I do not want to freeze it. The more it stays, the more painful I feel knowing that you are not here anymore. I have to let you go- everything about you. This is the best thing for me, and  for you. This is I guess the most beautiful goodbye I have to give you. 

ben

***This is a script I scribbled for someone:

For one week, I waited for even just a single message from you but I did not receive any. I tried everything I could but I think all is nothing and meaningless. From this day on, I am going to stop sending you messages until a month, a year, or maybe forever. I understand that your silence means you do not want me anymore. Thank you and goodbye!

i think i am ok

ben

I think I am okay.

It has been a month and I have been thinking of you almost every single day. 

In the morning when I wake up, I scroll down my phone to see some messages from you but all is there is an empty message box. In the afternoon, I see your page but I am not tagged by you. In the evening, I see no good night icons from you. I think I am okay.

I patiently wait for a long day anything from you, but all I get is wasted time thinking of you. I pretend to think something else but all I see in my mind is a picture of you. I think I am okay.

When I eat, I see you beside me. When I drive, I feel you sitting next to me. Even in doing trivial things, I see you. I think I am okay.

Help me! I do not want to stay in this state of being okay. I want to be better than okay. Teach me how to be better than okay. What is better than being okay anyway? Save me! 

perception

ben

Perception towards ourselves contributes much on how we face challenges in our lives. If we always think that we are inferior to anyone else here on the planet, then there is a very strong possibility of not or never finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. If someone always thinks that others are more handsome and more intelligent than him, then he is in the state of insecurity which downgrades his emotional and psychological states.

ever faithful will remain

I put on my gloves, sunglasses, and helmet. I am ready for the long ride to work. As I maneuver on a free flowing way, suddenly, I hear myself singing something. It is like this:

*When our school days

Glide by swiftly

In the gates we walk away

Still the truth and faith she gave us

Shall to us forever stay

Whether high place or in the lowly

Faith may send us joy or pain

But to our beloved college

Ever faithful will remain

ben

It has been almost 2 decades. At a virgin age, I learned the hard ways of life. I was a student who came from one of the remotest places in the area. I barely had shoes to boast. I remember, I only wore mostly slippers going to school. I did not have much money to buy snacks while my classmates could afford to buy and would share some. I skipped field-trips and extra-curricular activities because they were not included in my budget and mainly because my pockets were tight. 

On the other hand, I have the most memorable thoughts of my prime here. I was so naive yet free-willed and  childishly crazy. I had my firsts.  I had my blooms. I had my breaks. I had my peaks. I had my youthful searches. I had my efflorescence. Four years filled with pricey memories that can only being revisited back in my mind. 

Gone are the days that I am young. But my alma mater is still there as if she hasn't grown old since I eloped with my life. She is still an institution being revered by most people in my place. I may have left, but still she remains-- even in my memories. I miss my life in high school. I miss TCA.

*Tarlac College of Agricuture (TCA) Hymn

joy in the rain

The rain pours like there are no more other rainy days. 

ben

I can't feel but melancholic when rain falls from heaven. It brings me good memories of my past. 

When I was a kid, I used to play in the rain with the kids in my neighborhood. I danced, ran, and frolicked in the rain until it stopped from pouring. It was good to dive into the river, where my home was near, from a not-so- high cliff . Undressing like no one would seem to care was just fine at that time. Playing with paper boats swept by a river or a stream was a pure joy in the old days. These were such treasured memories that I would cherish for the rest of my life.

It was then that I felt much bliss--free from any worries of life.

I have grown up but my longingness to play in the rain is still there. Who cares if I make mirth in the middle of falling cold drops of water from above? Later, I will take off my slippers and shirt and put on a merriment that only the rain could give.

best days

ben

This early morning I was reminded of a good thought from an unknown friend. It is really timely I could say because my mind has been unstable due to some intricate reasons. I have been losing inspiration to do things. All things have been so bland in my taste; mundane, and everything I do seems like a drudgery. Moreover, every thing seems bleak and gloomy. But he made me realize that each day is a beautiful day to look forward to. Every day is a step to reaching my dreams. 

As I ponder, isn't it exciting to think that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet? I just have to look forward for the bests are yet to come. Fulfillment is felt from a positive thinking.

pebbles

ben

David was young, small, and seemed frivolous. Goliath was mature, very tall, and powerful. The people believed at that time that Goliath was invincible because of his natural and acquired skills and abilities. But in the story found in the Bible, Goliath lost in just a second with David's sling with a round pebble.Why was that so?

Goliath belittled David's stature. Goliath thought that David was unskillful. Goliath underestimated David's tactics.

David never doubted (in) his own skills. David was confident of losing his opponent. David armed a tiny yet blatantly functioning weapon to fight his oppressor.

We  in our own ways are David. No matter how many Goliaths we encounter in our lives, we fight and continue our battles. Big and troublesome are on our ways and tremendous are yet to come but don't forget that just a sling and small pebble can strike them out. Never undervalue small yet influential qualities we have. These will help us overcome mountainous challenges in our lives. 

Remember: Goliath died with just a small pebble. 

Now, what pebbles do you have in conquering life's demons?

heaven on hell

(Taken in front of Wat Yai)

HEAVEN ON HELL... As the night continually dropped a hell of water, these young monks helped each other to protect their heaven by barricading the riverbanks with sand bags.

i feel you

I can’t explain how I feel

We don’t have anything

Just me alone, I do have something for you

Why I am so much into you?

It is crazy

It is so out of my ordinary life

I can’t think clearly

I can’t work efficiently

Everywhere I go

I see you

In whatever I do

I feel you

Tell me you don’t love me

Then I will stop from thinking of you

Tell me you don’t need me

Then I will cease from chasing after you.

ben

lesson learned

ben

At school, I listen to my teachers and academic lectures, review them then I have tests usually at the end of every term. As a student, the most tasky is the reviewing part. I have to read again and again and again the lessons I have learned all throughout the lecturing period. Sometimes, I get frustrated when I can't really get serious reviewing my lessons for tests. Of course, I want to get high marks that is why I do it piously as possible. More importantly, I see to it that in every review, I have to get some key points not only for tests but for practical uses as well.

Life is a school. I learn. I review. I take tests. It is all the same. So, don't let a day pass by without a lesson learned.

most challenging

A working mom of 3 kids was asked, "What has been the most challenging task you're having?" She confidently answered, "The most challenging work I have been having as a wife, mom, and a working woman is learning the skill of cooking."

ben

a thousand

I was shopping for a pair of long-sleeved polo for work when I saw these lovely purple and green colored ones. They struck my eyes so I went straight to the shop and tried them on. Happily, they fit, exactly. I picked my wallet at the back of my jeans and handed over in a thousand. The sales lady took the money and packed my dress.

The shop had many customers because it was having its 'buy one take one' sale period. I was with three other customers buying on the ladies' corner. After a few minutes, the sales lady asked me, "Have you given your payment, Sir?" And I answered quickly, "Yeah!"

ben

The sales lady's face turned into mango. She rummaged the cabinets, her bag, and even the shelves where the goods were.Eventually, I learned that the money I gave her was missing. I did not know if it was misplaced or it fell from her pocket. I knew the sales lady was worried because of the money. She would have to pay the missing thousand if she couldn't find it. After a half an hour of waiting, still the money was missing. She'd had teary-eyes and I really felt what she was feeling at that time. I couldn't endure the ladies' burden so what I did was grab another thousand to pay again the stuff I would like to get.

"No, Sir. Soon I will find it." Her voice quivered as she spoke this line. But I insisted to give the money. At the end, she took the money.

After a month, I visited the shop again. I was a little shocked because of the voice at my back. "Sir, I would like to give you something." Surprisingly, I saw this sales lady again whom I had encountered a month ago. "I found the money on the vouchers I was holding at that time. And now that I see you, I am giving it back to you."

I smiled. I was not happy alone because I got the money back but because she had the heart to return back the money to me.

Doing good to people is an act that is not hard to do. No matter how difficult their situations maybe, always try to lend a helping hand to ease their burdens. You just don't know how it would make an impact in their lives. 

college learnings

"What should I do with what I learned in college?"

ben

You might have thought of this idea too. I heard from many people that college is the practice venue for future jobs. But what if you pursue another path of career later on in your life? Can you still apply the things you learned in college?

Whether you go after your field of study or not, still, a lot of principles in college should be applied when you work or later in your life. Diligence might not be taught inside classroom setting but you learn it as you study all through your college days. Tactfulness may neither be printed on sheets given by teachers as a lesson but you learn it by yourself especially in difficult circumstances in your college moments.

Not all hard copies you learned in college are essential in the future but the experience of learning through yourself is a great asset when you work or in your life per se.

the printer

Two years ago, I bought a computer printer which I could use for work or for personal purposes. Almost every week I printed some documents or any other stuff. A year had passed and my printer had gone impotent. I busily did my tasks in my office so I wasn't able to use it regularly. It came to a point that I never used it for almost a year.

ben

A week ago, it was on a beautiful Sunday afternoon that my colleague asked me to give a photocopy of my passport and work permit and also to furnish him an important document to be used the following day. I hurriedly went home so I could scan my personal valuables and print some important documents. At home, I turned on my computer alongside my printer. When I clicked on the print button, an error message box appeared on the screen. I tried several times but still I gotthe same error. My head turned heavy because I was rushing. My ears went so hot and red. It also came to a point where I dropped a knuckle on the computer table.

The beautiful day was ruined because of the printer. I was not able to print out anything. Later, I found out that the printer's ink turned solid because it was stuck for several months-- unused. 

Any thing that is left unused becomes infertile. So as a skill, talent, or any ability no longer of being utilized becomes nothing.

i am fat

ben

"I am fat! No one will ever like me!"

The modern age defines beauty as lean, tall, fair-skinned, and good face structure. But for Melissa, she did not have all of these. She must be the soft opposite of the features enumerated previously that's why she uttered the statement, "I am fat! No one will ever like me!"

As she turned 26, she was surprised when someone approached her to be a part of a commercial on TV. She was chosen to do the role because she had the exact qualities the advertising agency was looking for. Melissa took the stint and it went more , and more, and more. 

Now, Melissa, is dating a guy whom she met in the industry she works for. She is planning to settle down with this guy a few years later. Who can imagine that with the figure she had and still has has brought her into stardom? Moreover, it was also one of the bridges why this guy found her. 

"I am fat but I am happy!"

***Celebrate life with the way we really are!

the broken promise

"Son, I promise to buy you a guitar when all my tasks are done. Just stay put."

This was 25 years ago when a father made a promise to his son up a hill near their house. Everything was well with the family at that time. But eventually events were not in favor to the family. Their business had  turned into bankruptcy. The father went through  difficult times that made him lose his sanity. The guitar flew away and was never a reality, but the son grew up with that promise his father told him at that day.

ben

Now, the son is a grown up man. He has his family of his own. One day, he goes up to that hill again with his young son. "I am giving you this guitar because I know that your heart is into music," declares the father to his son handing the guitar in his son's hands. He adds, "Always remember son that even when your father is gone, better not promise to anyone than saying one without doing it."

The son's smile cannot be painted. After a while, he hugs his father and says, "Ok, I won't father."

i bit my tongue

ben

One afternoon while having my late lunch in a cafeteria near my apartment, my tongue bled and sored a little. It was really painful that led me to pause from speaking for a day. I remembered a belief in my hometown that when I bite my tongue someone thinks of me.

The day went fast as the pain flew away little by little.As I prepared to get some rest at that night, my sister called me asking how was my day. After that, a friend near my place visited to give me some food because it was our common friend's birthday. I was not able to attend because of the ailment. Another, my mom sent me a message telling me to pray because the weather was not so good at that day. Lastly, my boss called me to wait for her call if tomorrow's presentation was going to be pursued or not since that night was a little stormy.

After all these, I smiled. Though I bit my tongue accidentally and it was really aching, I knew in heart that there are people behind me: thinking and caring for me.

the umbrella

ben

She couldn't hold her tears falling from her eyes while looking at her umbrella as she started to walk along the bridge. The rain poured harder as she stepped her feet, one over the other. All of a sudden, she stopped and remembered a scene that flashbacked in front of her:

"This umbrella will comfort you even when I am gone. Always remember that eventhough things have fallen apart for us, this umbrella will always be there in strong sunshine or hard rain." These were the last words of Antonio, her first ever boyfriend, to her.

It is good to love. Equally, it is good to be loved. Yet, it is better to have felt love than never have experienced it at all.

bargaining

As I walk along the corners of a wet market, I saw various people of different classes. On one side, I see a man dressed in white with a tie. On the the other side, I see a family buying some bread to a baker. There is this old woman selling some sweet potato tops who catches much of my attention. She seems to be so old sitting on a dirty pass way in the market with her sweet potato tops near her feet. Then someone a woman of a good class in the society asks for the price of the sweet potato tops and the old woman answers with a slow and coarse voice, "Five..."  As I get near, I hear vividly how the woman of a good class responds to the old woman, "Can it be 3 or 4?"

ben

Bargaining to the old woman is much of a pity for the woman of a good class. To think that 5 is so cheap, she even bargains for a discount. Doesn't she even think how the old woman struggles to carry those bundles of sweet potato tops with her hunchback from one place to another? 

We must learn how to treat others fairly.

sheer happiness

ben

When was the last time you felt sheer happiness?

All her life she's been looking for happiness. She's visited different sites and places around the world.  She's got the looks and money. She's had the best men all she ever wanted. But why she always feel empty inside?

Many people don't really know why they seem to feel a vacuous life. At times, they feel so void that nothing can satisfy them most. 

Sheer happiness is a matter of the heart. 

eat at home

Liezel, a 6-year old child asks her dad, "Why do we have to eat out dad?"

ben

Her father answers, "Because I want to eat something new."

Liezel exclaimed again, "Why don't we just eat here at home and be together as a family?"

Her family replies, "But we will go together, you mom, me, and your brother."

Liezel ends up, "I think when we eat at home, we are happier. We don't need to choose. We don't need to look at others. We don't need any distractions. Just us, as a family without someone bothering us."

Her father smiles and tells. Soon after, her father asks the other two rather to stay home than to go out.

pack your bags

ben

Pack your bags. Ready yourself. Travel to the places you have not seen.

When you are stressed out from work or relationship, this is one of the best ways to do. It is opted by many people who suffer from stagnancy or boredom. Why?

Most often, traveling can make you think of clearer perspectives in life. It is through walking and making adventure where you can ponder on better things to do in life. Shelving yourself in a box doesn't make you grow. Get out of it and you will soon see different experiences and essences that will lead you to what you really want.

Traveling always brings comfort and pleasure to the mind. It can be a near site or a far flung area where you  have never imagined going to in your life. Go ahead. Set a trip out now!

delete

ben

Permanently deleting files in a computer means they are no longer retrievable. When you click a bar asking to delete them permanently, they will never appear again. In life, what files would you like to delete permanently?

Isn't it true that sometimes when you encounter a very excruciating experience, you want to delete it permanently? When you were hurt in the past, you try to delete this memory as if you want to impose amnesia to yourself selectively. 

No matter how hard you try deleting them in your memories, these will never get be gotten rid from your life off. Your mind is not the same as a computer. When you click on delete, files are deleted. Your mind is not as obedient as a computer. When you try to delete specific memories, one day, you will again remember these memories.

never imperative

ben

"Maybe you don't want to talk to me anymore? Have you grown tired of me?" A message from Ina to her boyfriend through a social application.

"What made you say that? It doesn't mean that when I reply late or don't reply at all, I don't want to talk to you anymore!" A reply message from Bojie.

Sometimes, we think beyond what is really happening. We suppose with baseless thoughts from a result of  'overthinking' which could lead into arguments or misunderstanding. 

We can't dictate what others should do or should not. It is never imperative for others to do the same what  we have to do for them. 

Stop being possessive. One day, you may not notice that the tighter the grip you hold onto someone's hand, the more pain you cause to that hand of someone, eventually sicking it-- worst, losing it.

a fantasy

ben

Yes, I was elated for she was with me. That was for a day only and I wished it was longer. But only that I realized we were just having a fantasy.

Today, I kiss her passionately. I hold her tightly. I look at her face while she sleeps deeply. But tomorrow I will know that she'd be gone. No more. But what is more hurting is that it happens fast-- cold turkey. It is like a single blink of  the eyes.

Did it ever occur to you that when you thought she was the one given for you, then all of a sudden, at the end of the day you would finally find out that she was just like a fallen withered leaf following the current of a raging river then stuck at the ripple of water. And when the current was strong again, it would automatically leave  from the ripple and continued to head far nowhere.

How far can you chase and follow? 

age and beauty

Why is it that when  we get older the more we look  beautiful?

True enough that beauty lies not only on the superficial side of a face but also on the age of that face. As we age, we think better. As days go by, we develop sound minds that will keep us from being beautiful. As years pass after years, we see and experience the deeper and real definition of beauty.

See it for yourself how beauty generates in your whole being as every day passes by.

ben

simple joys

ben

What are your simple joys?

I feel happy whenever:

I eat my favorite food.
I talk to my family from overseas.
I see my students learning.
I play my favorite sport.
I hang out with friends.
I finish writing an article.
I watch a film that is worth seeing.
I get to have a 6 hours sleep or more.

Simple, aren't they? What about yours?

good or bad memories

Good or bad, they will always make me smile.

Camping was finally set out in primary and I was lucky to be chosen as the leader among others. When the day that we had to present yells, songs, and dramas, my stomach got upset. It was totally ridiculous because as I was shouting at the top of my lungs, my stomach got more upset. Until I couldn't hold it anymore. I hurriedly ran towards the nearest restroom but it was too late. My thighs were filled with mess. 

ben

Highschool came, I got a crush on a girl next to my seat. I voted her as a muse in one club. She got angry at me because of what I did. For almost 3 years in highschool, we didn't talk because of what happened. Only in our latter years that we became affable with each other.

As I look back on these memories, all I have to do is smile. It is so good to bring back into mind these events. Whether good or bad, I'd still cherish these ones. No matter how old or mature I may become, I'd still hold these in my mind.