good or bad memories

Good or bad, they will always make me smile.

Camping was finally set out in primary and I was lucky to be chosen as the leader among others. When the day that we had to present yells, songs, and dramas, my stomach got upset. It was totally ridiculous because as I was shouting at the top of my lungs, my stomach got more upset. Until I couldn't hold it anymore. I hurriedly ran towards the nearest restroom but it was too late. My thighs were filled with mess. 

ben

Highschool came, I got a crush on a girl next to my seat. I voted her as a muse in one club. She got angry at me because of what I did. For almost 3 years in highschool, we didn't talk because of what happened. Only in our latter years that we became affable with each other.

As I look back on these memories, all I have to do is smile. It is so good to bring back into mind these events. Whether good or bad, I'd still cherish these ones. No matter how old or mature I may become, I'd still hold these in my mind.

detoxification

WARNING: Don't read this while you are eating.

ben

When someone asks me if where do I find solace and comfort, I immediately answer--toilet.

Weird isn't it? But it is true. I do not have any problem defecating. In just a minute or two, I am done with pooing. That is how I do excrete.After it, there is this feeling of easiness. It seems like a lot of stuff are taken out from my body. Afterwards, I feel fit and free.

In life, it is just the same. We can move freely when we discharge the wastes that are stored in our stomach. Removing our excesses would make us feel light and comfortable. Whatever destructive heaviness or any precarious feelings we have, get rid of them. You will only achieve languor after detoxification.

so hard for me to fall in love

ben

Why is it so hard for me to fall in love? This maybe is a  question of a person who hasn't been in love for a very long time, or maybe of someone who has just recently broken off relationship with someone. Is it really difficult to fall in love? Ask yourself. To help you out, here is a checklist and just tell me which best describes you:

It is hard for you to fall in love:

1. Because you easily fall off in a relationship.

2. Because you are choosy and your standards are too high to be reached by someone who is willing to pursue you.

3. Because you always think the welfare of your family.

4. Because you hold onto your past and it is difficult for you to enter into a new relationship.

5. Because maybe you're rude, crude, messy, or uninteresting to others.

6. Because you are too religious that no one is bold enough to level with your piousness.

7. Because you are nerd. You always want to study study and study without thinking of your love life.

8. Because you think that men or women are objects. You just believe in sex as the whole core of relationship.

9. Because you work too hard. You are too busy neglecting the idea of falling in love.

10. Because you think you're old or mature and that falling in love is for the young ones only. This is a myth.

11. Because you are too much insecure of yourself-physically and intellectually.

12. Because you easily get bored.

13. Because you are afraid of commitment (or you do not like it).

14. Because you are scared to be hurt.

15. Because you believe that you just can't meet your heart's pair. This is a cliche'ic alibi.  

Trust me, it is never hard to fall in love. Open your heart and let your love be developed for someone. Do you want to try? Start now!

busyness

ben

What busyness can do to you?

-It minimizes your care for yourself.
-It lessens your intimacy with your partner.
-It steals your time for your family.
-It reduces bondings with friends and loved-ones.
-It leaves you unaware of what is happening around you.
-It lowers your interpersonal interaction whether at work or society.
-It brings you more illnesses.
-It gives you more stress.
-It stimulates hypertension and irritability.
-It teaches you to love the material world.
-It separates you from being relaxed and happy.
-It kills you slowly.

i feel good

ben

It is the feeling that makes you smile even when you see a wall because his face is painted on it.

In the morning, the whole world  becomes even much brighter when you see him with his tie. Getting a peep on his office while working likely satisfies your tea-break. His smell when he passes by is like a baby that keeps your nose sniff and sniff again and again.

In the afternoon, it is his eyes that you look when he talks to you. The long fingers that sway whenever he explains are like the dancing leaves of a tree in a gentle way. Those familiar tick-tock of shoes become your clock. 

In the evening, the sweet 'goodbye' bid before he goes home melts your heart like ice cream. Those tie, perfume, fingers, and shoes complete your day. When you go back home you'll say to yourself, "I feel good." 

30 years

Triumphing the age of 30 is definitely a remarkable feat for me. It is more than taking care of my health or my body. It is more than the food I have eaten. It is more than the places I have visited. It is more than the jobs I have taken, either for real or for granted.

Thirty years of having breath to breathe is a gift that I must be glad about. Many people have influenced my life and my heart is filled with gratefulness as I remember them who contributed to who I am right now.

ben

I’d like to give gratitude to my parents who gave me the privilege to be borne in this world. I lost my father at a very young age with no much lorry, but still my mom was able to best the hardships involving my family. I believe my sister, together with her 2 kids and a loving husband, is now happy with what life she has now back in my hometown. We’re more contented now than before.

Friends have also played significant roles to where I am right now. I could say that without my friends, I could never arrive at this age vibrantly. They are the ones who give me inspirations when things are tough and rough at one point or another. They are the ones who encourage and discourage me with regards to things I have to pursue or not in life. They are the ones who push me to chase and wait for love. They stay beside me in whatever seasons of life.

Exultantly, experiences have shaped me into a better person and as a man. Whether these are bad or good, they bring much effect into my life now. These have become my marrows. They have filled my life with sense and concreteness.

in weakness, there is strength

There are times when we say, "I should look strong. I don't want others to know how I feel now. People should not see the real me. I should not look haggard. I should not look unhappy and distressed."

ben

But at times, when life's miseries are unbearable, these words are immaterial anymore. Concealing our emotions can mean suppressing our power--power to be strong, power to move on, power to overcome any difficulties we are going through.

It is not bad to cry. It is not abominable to speak up for our rights as long as we are not stepping others'. It is neither a mistake to look depressed in front of others. Moreover, it is not wrong to be sad. Because  at times we feel weak and helpless, there is this extraordinary power that we don't know where it is originating that automatically comes out from within us. This power will somehow lead us in doing the right decisions in life.

It is not wrong to be weak. In weakness, there is strength.

no more

You really don’t know how I respect you
You really don’t know how much I care
You really don’t know how I honor you

I thought you were sincere
I thought you were true
I thought you were a friend

I don’t want to play your tricks anymore
I don’t want to ride you trips once more
I don’t want to be your friend-no more

You only used me for fun
You only used me for your needs
You only used me for your comfort

Now, don’t call me your friend
It is enough to say "sorry"
Let’s just separate ways

If only I can erase the memories you left behind
But I know that only one thing can remove them 
And this is TIME…

(This is a song I composed on July 18, 2006)

ben

the agony of this woman

ben

The epitome of a strong woman has been stolen from her.  What has gone bad? 

Circumstances have been wearing her out. These have almost eaten all of her--within. Creases have grown onto her wide forehead and some zits have been drawn onto her supple face. Whatever alibis she answers to some of her friends' queries, never that she can cover up the abysmal emotions she carries. The earth has almost reached the heavens that she can't have any space to breathe in. She's lost.

It started when her relationship with a man fell apart. She could not admit the fact that she had been fooled by the man she loved most. She trusted him so much that she did not think of this man to do something that might break their vow in marriage. But a sad reality, it happened on the brink beyond his bounds of acceptable behavior.

Now, she lives in agony thinking of how to get herself back. She needs help.

hopelessness

There are men and women who wait hopelessly for someone. Whew!!! For example, a woman is still hoping to get back together with an ex-boyfriend and start again a new relationship eventhough the woman knows that there is a very little chance of patching things up. A lot would agree, “It is so pathetic!” Or maybe a woman secretly and patiently waits for a man for a very very very long time without engaging into someone else. Isn’t she nuts?

ben

stop!

ben

What if the things you love most to do are being banned from you?

Lately, I went to a doctor and had a check up of my worsening head condition. It was really terrible being diagnosed with nerves and eyes problems. He even insisted that i should not  read and think a lot. But how do I have to survive without thinking and reading?

It is so preposterous that I have to be forbidden thinking and reading. I know I am stubborn but these make my days fluidly going. I should still be reading, I won't stop. Eventually, I would get immunity from reading whether short or long passages. Even if it is not as thorough as it may have been before, I won't quit from thinking. These are my life. I'd rather die than take these away from me.

In life, some mountains that we climb are so steep that we may grow weary and tired not reaching the peak. Pains and sufferings build our character whether we overcome them or we just go with them. There's nothing wrong with reading and thinking, only if you abuse yourself from doing so, then that's the time to say: 'Stop!'