I used to call you TATANG…
My father, who went six feet under as well, had
had some marital issues with your loving daughter. I was once a witness of
their unceasing clashes blaming the malevolent impact of the so-called
dissident bottle. I was just a poor little boy with sticky mucus oozing on my
nose carrying some big vintage one peso coins when my parents broke off their
vows of being together until the last breath of their breaths. Your daughter
had endured emotional distresses for many years, so my family made a decision
to come to you and be with you without anything. All we had were our bodies,
souls and spirits but with whole arms open wide, you took us to your side like
a hen that hems her chicks with her sturdy wings. We had nothing, yet we hoped
that you’d share a bit of yours. Since I was just a kid, my focus was different
at that time…
When my perception of things unbolted from the back of my
consciousness, perhaps, I was six at that time, I had heard some words that you
were really a notorious figure in the family. I can vividly remember how my
immediate kin used to describe you- ferocious Lakay. During my family’s early
stay in your house, I had had a taste of your stern rules. Your voice was like
a thunder when you became enraged especially when your hypertension rose up.
Your hands or sticks would poignantly hit my legs or buttocks. These facts had
been painted on my forehead and even my cousin Mong, who lived with us, can
really attest to this. You were the most vicious father-form dreading the young
ones in the community. Who could ever imagine that you would fall and have your
feet aligned with eyes closed in solace and in peace?
Seasons had naturally changed as days alter years after years
after years. The then stereotyped figure of yours tainted as well. The longer I
stayed with you the more I had known about you. My acuity about you being
ferocious had been altered by a good male disciplinarian figure. Since I didn't have a lucid view
of my deceased father, you had become my TATANG. It was not that I had no choice
but it was that you conscientiously offered yourself to stand as my father in
lieu of my biological ama who kicked the bucket at an early age. Yes, I still
had tasted your different forms of chastisement but I viewed those as to direct
my path leading the right way. You always wanted me to have the best of
everything. You wanted me to be the finest among the rest of the clan. I
remember you uttered to me once, “You are an intelligent man.” I cried
surreptitiously because my father was so proud of me. It was so rare that you
appreciated and praised people around you at that time. From those times on, I
put and founded my respect on you.
Life is so short. I went back home last March and I saw you
still as if this wouldn't happen.
I had seen you cheerfully mingled with your family almost every occasion that
was held. I didn't know
that those were outright premonitions of what has happened to you. Your smile
when you were still alive had always been a joy to everyone. Though I know my
mom and aunt jocularly said that they wanted you to give up the ghost early,
but I know that they love you so much. For me, how could I ever forget the one
who took care of me for ages? How can I forsake in my memories the father who
stood beside me and gave me the strength to push through life? Never!
As the cliché goes, we should rejoice for the
dead because they are now resting in the heavens. Sure, that is true, but now
my heart is grieving for I have lost one of the most wonderful people in my
life. I have lost the best father of all times. I have lost the most excellent
disciplinarian in the world. I have lost the happiest man alive.
May you find rest to where you are right now. I
hope that whenever I look up to the sky, I could see your smile. Goodbye
TATANG!!!
