When I was a kid, I wanted to be an engineer. There were no wasted time, I studied hard, day in and day out until such time that I finished primary. That was the first step to fulfilling what I thought I had wanted to be.
As I grew up my niche had become wider, and as it had gotten broader and broader, my desire had constantly changed from one to another. In high school, I thought I could be a chemist or a botanist. I also thought of becoming a writer... a singer... a performer. I had never thought that the more I had gotten older, the more I had thought of different persona, either possible or impossible, yet these phases just passed me by.
I went to university, and all I knew I could perhaps discover what I wanted to be, but it all got more complicated. I developed this passion to paint, abstractly, I had no idea where did it all come from. Perhaps, my mind turned a little bit mature wanting to paint non-concrete impressions and ideas. Year after year, it had changed from one thing to another- from lawyer to reporter, radio announcer to composer.
I needed to work, but still, in my mind I had to achieve whatever dream that I had at that time. My first job was in an advertising company, but I felt it was not really for me. Then, I changed. I had become a customer contact associate for a foreign company, until such time that I realized that the shift was not appropriate for my health.
I tried being a journalist, but it just couldn't sustain my living. I worked for a short time being a librarian, but it just didn't fit who I am.
Now, I am a researcher, but there are nights that I wonder what must I become. At the back of my head, there is this fervent desire for me to be somebody - not the person that I am today. Yes, I definitely know who I am, but there is this person that I would want for myself to be. This inner yearning of becoming someone not I am today gets stronger each day. I am in a stage where I am trying to untangle the knot to finally experience the best I am. At my age, the clarity of who I want to be is a little murky yet the possibility is still achievable. In spite of all these, I will never get tired finding out that person I would like to be.
