TATANG

I used to call you TATANG…

My father, who went six feet under as well, had had some marital issues with your loving daughter. I was once a witness of their unceasing clashes blaming the malevolent impact of the so-called dissident bottle. I was just a poor little boy with sticky mucus oozing on my nose carrying some big vintage one peso coins when my parents broke off their vows of being together until the last breath of their breaths. Your daughter had endured emotional distresses for many years, so my family made a decision to come to you and be with you without anything. All we had were our bodies, souls and spirits but with whole arms open wide, you took us to your side like a hen that hems her chicks with her sturdy wings. We had nothing, yet we hoped that you’d share a bit of yours. Since I was just a kid, my focus was different at that time…

When my perception of things unbolted from the back of my consciousness, perhaps, I was six at that time, I had heard some words that you were really a notorious figure in the family. I can vividly remember how my immediate kin used to describe you- ferocious Lakay. During my family’s early stay in your house, I had had a taste of your stern rules. Your voice was like a thunder when you became enraged especially when your hypertension rose up. Your hands or sticks would poignantly hit my legs or buttocks. These facts had been painted on my forehead and even my cousin Mong, who lived with us, can really attest to this. You were the most vicious father-form dreading the young ones in the community. Who could ever imagine that you would fall and have your feet aligned with eyes closed in solace and in peace? 

Seasons had naturally changed as days alter years after years after years. The then stereotyped figure of yours tainted as well. The longer I stayed with you the more I had known about you. My acuity about you being ferocious had been altered by a good male disciplinarian figure. Since I didn't have a lucid view of my deceased father, you had become my TATANG. It was not that I had no choice but it was that you conscientiously offered yourself to stand as my father in lieu of my biological ama who kicked the bucket at an early age. Yes, I still had tasted your different forms of chastisement but I viewed those as to direct my path leading the right way. You always wanted me to have the best of everything. You wanted me to be the finest among the rest of the clan. I remember you uttered to me once, “You are an intelligent man.” I cried surreptitiously because my father was so proud of me. It was so rare that you appreciated and praised people around you at that time. From those times on, I put and founded my respect on you.

Life is so short. I went back home last March and I saw you still as if this wouldn't happen. I had seen you cheerfully mingled with your family almost every occasion that was held. I didn't know that those were outright premonitions of what has happened to you. Your smile when you were still alive had always been a joy to everyone. Though I know my mom and aunt jocularly said that they wanted you to give up the ghost early, but I know that they love you so much. For me, how could I ever forget the one who took care of me for ages? How can I forsake in my memories the father who stood beside me and gave me the strength to push through life? Never!

As the cliché goes, we should rejoice for the dead because they are now resting in the heavens. Sure, that is true, but now my heart is grieving for I have lost one of the most wonderful people in my life. I have lost the best father of all times. I have lost the most excellent disciplinarian in the world. I have lost the happiest man alive.

May you find rest to where you are right now. I hope that whenever I look up to the sky, I could see your smile. Goodbye TATANG!!!