the 30'ish syndrome

I stared perhaps the longest time in my life at the TV while my mom was playing solitaire on her bed. Crazy but true, there was nothing on my mind at that time. As if it was just a blank white page of paper but I knew it wandered away subconsciously. These days, I have been having such scenarios and I wonder why, really.

Could it be that I have been rapidly growing older? Probably, my mind is getting forgetful. It sometimes tends to stay in a vacuum where emptiness is seen or felt. My mind might have thought a lot that it sometimes its activities lapse in any way.

Could it be that I have been thinking a lot? Possibly. When I was younger, I was freer and wilder. Responsibility was quite far heavier than what I hold now. I think for the future. I think of doing this and that. I think of achieving these and those. So many things that really make my mind busy.

Could it be that I have been longing for something? Possibly. It seems like everybody wants to have a partner in life to be with in sickness and in health; for richer or for poorer. Everyone wants to be stable in life-- having enough resources to sustain life now and the future. I think everyone in this world tries to achieve a well off living. No wonder being better off sometimes is equated to success.

Could it be that I am sad or depressed? Perhaps. There have been many factors that have affected my viscera these days. Too bad that I have let others come to ruin my happiness. Too bad that sometimes I get so vulnerable to people which leads me to being susceptible to pains and hurts which eventually hit my emotions that could possibly make my days blue or a little miserable.

As I get older, I think even a lot more. As I long for something more, I get sad or depressed when I can't really make them happen. This is the stage I can call the 30'ish syndrome!